Who are you living your life for?

Breaking free from social bondage and embracing your souls calling.

We all have one miraculous life. If you’re not living this marvellous life according to your blueprint and your hearts desire, then whose life are you living?

IIn so many small ways we let go of who we are and what we desire to please another or to be accepted. We all have a unique expression that we are here to bring into this life a blueprint, yet there seems to be an epidemic of people not knowing how to connect with their purpose and not knowing what is right for them. Depression and anxiety are some of the symptoms of a life displaced.

There is something that happens in our childhood that turns people away from the voice of the soul...

There is something that happens in our childhood that turns people away from the voice of the soul.

Growing up our authorities and caregivers imposed their version of life and how things are supposed to be onto us. In varying degrees little by little we learned to oppose the gentle, joyful inner voice for one that was more likely to get us acknowledgment or praise or in the very least keep us out of trouble.

Punishment and reward are inflicted on children as a way to modify and control behaviour but they often lead to a disconnect of what is innately trying to be expressed in the being. A lifetime of this and a person doesn’t know what they truly want and who they are.

At some point most people will meet a conflict within themselves where life doesn’t feel good when they’re doing what they’ve been conditioned to do. It may feel mundane or lack the juice that they so desperately want to feel but also it doesn’t feel good when they’re moving away from the conditioning either. It feels isolating and often terrifying to go against what is ‘the right thing to do’.

Let’s say your career was something you were guided to do by another, perhaps a parent that knew better? In a lot of cases young people may not know what direction they want to go in and they end up going down the path they were directed to. If that career doesn’t align with the soul or if that path has ended, there will be a deep dissatisfaction that can arise to call them out. This path can feel terrifying because of many reasons, one being that we have to let go of the identity of that role. It can feel like a death in many ways.

This is the hero’s journey. The walking into the fear to find ourselves.

Untangling from the bondage

There are some key points to understanding how to hear the souls voice and have the courage to follow the calling. The rewards of living a soul filled life cannot be measured.

We need to address our thinking and perception to start to unwind the invisible cords of conditioning and brain washing. Here are some fundamental and fast track steps to feel free and course correct…

My first piece of advice when someone comes to me saying they are having relationship issues is first and foremost take your power back from this situation and this person. This is the only way we can get clarity and a sense of self to make decision from our highest and best guidance. “How do I do that?” is usually the very next question I get asked.

We are often oblivious of the weight of other peoples wants and needs and how entangled we become in our relationships.

Mind your own business

Everyone is responsible for their own happiness, their own lives and their own adult tasks. We all have adult responsibilities like taking care of our own finances, how we behave, how we treat others, how we dress, how we clean our own house, you get the picture. We come into problems when we assume the responsibility of someone else’s life. We project our ideals onto them and then we take responsibility of ‘helping’ them achieve our ideal.

We become co-dependent when we rely on someone else to take care of our adult needs in one way or another. This is a large reason we get entangled with each other.

The addict husband who cant hold down a job. The wife will make it her mission in life to ‘help’ him get a job and in turn takes on the role of provider, project manager and also his mother. Say good-bye to your sex life!

Getting clear that each human being no matter how ‘badly’ they are doing life in our opinion is actually exactly where they are choosing to be.

I can hear the uproar from the mobs as I say that. Please let me explain.

We all choose and that is our most basic spiritual right. Free will is something that even God can’t mess with. Working for many years with addiction in clients there is very little anyone can do until the person themselves chooses to live a different life or deal with their own healing.

Until the other is inspired to make a change for themselves and not because they are being given an ultimatum, the only sane conclusion is that this is the reality of who they are right now. When we live for the potential of who would like them to be, it can often be a projection of our own potential and our own ideals.

Is is ok to live for others?

This takes us back to “we all have but one miraculous life”. Only you know how to live you. There is no point in living someone else’s life. If growing up your parents said you needed to get a career or work in the family business, get married and buy a house, no matter how well meaning that all sounds, if it doesn’t come from the voice of your own soul then its probably not for you.

To be honest it may not even be for them, except for the fact that they didn’t question the mission.

Taking on another persons projected ideals for us is a fast way to turn down the volume on our own ideals and desired goals. Over time the voice of the soul becomes softer and softer until we forget what it sounds like all together.

What others think of you is none of your business

I don’t know anyone that enjoys being disliked or likes confrontation. Innately we shy away from these places. The truth is that we cannot control how others perceive us and judge us. All we have control over is how we chose to perceive ourselves.

We need to build a relationship with the self where we are not living to please another but are defaulting back to taking an honest inventory of our own behaviours and connecting with our own moral compass.

Before my first marriage ended I spent some years feeling trapped, dissatisfied and resentful of being there. My husband was a nice person, a handsome man, a good provider. We got along well but I was deeply unhappy without truly acknowledging it or understanding it.

What kept me there were several deep seated feelings of inadequacy that I then translated into guilt. I had an insecurity of how to take care of myself financially and until I dealt with that I felt bound by feelings of guilt and what I thought was the fear of hurting him, our family and the children. When I was able to deal with the fears and insecurities in my own being I was able to leave even though it may have hurt him and the the people around us.

Understanding what was true for me and having the courage to live my truth made it impossible to stay. I have a saying that says if its not right for me then it can’t be right for them. It didn’t make me unfeeling to how others would feel, it just freed me of the unrealistic sense of responsibility of keeping everyone happy to the detriment of my own soul.

Dealing with my feelings of inadequacy was the healing that I needed to be able to hear the voice of the soul, despite what I perceived others were going to feel.

A life of freedom

Facing our feeling of inadequacy and using those feelings to grow and step into what we truly desire is what transforms our life. These feelings are evolutionary agents of change and when we see them as our own personal mission to heal, grow and overcome we gain courage. The universe responds to courage and we notice a distinct flow and synchronicity that becomes the normal way of life.

Our past and our conditioning cannot stop us from moving forward. Trauma is not a life sentence as we can heal from trauma and move through it, otherwise we would all be hiding in our cupboards waiting for our lives to end.

The feeling of inadequacy are more likely to stop us living our truth. Until we resolve these and grow through them we will adjust our life to avoid them, defaulting to conditioning and hiding.

When we practice asking ourselves as often as possible “what is it that I truly and sincerely want in this situation? and then find the courage to go for it, that is when we self actualise.

There are many nuances of being human and our relationship with all aspects of the physical and metaphysical world. Each time we find another piece to our puzzle it unlocks a little more of who we are. Thank you for joining me and allowing me to share my perspective on this mystery we call life. I look forward to seeing you again soon.